Pumpkin Seeds:a comedy in black and orange

It is happening around the end of October. The house is decorated in orange and black, and is joyously lightened by the pulsing lights of dying candles. The night has just kicked day’s butt and has taken possession of deeds and morals. Children are playful but unprotected against the wisdom of life—their fate is salivating—wariness will be defeated tonight.

Billy and Johnny are 8 and 9 year old. Mom's favorite is Billy, and Johnny is his brother. Their grandfather, Jim, looks after them. Or sleeps. Or breathes. Who knows? He is also their father's father. Mother is doing things that moms do.

MOM: Kids, come to the table, dinner is ready.

BILLY: Just five more minutes, mom, please!

MOM: No, it's late already. Come on.

JOHNNY: Dad is not here yet, let's wait.

MOM: He'll join us later on the table. Come on, and let's
eat now. Johnny, did you wash your hand?

JOHNNY: Mom, grandpa is looking for something.

MOM: Jim, are you looking for something?

JIM: Yesh, I cannoth findh my chopphersh. 

MOM: Billy, did you hide your grandfather's choppers, honey?

BILLY: Nope!

MOM: Billy?

BILLY: N-no.

MOM: Billy!

BILLY: Well, I think Johnny put them somewhere and--

JOHNNY: Bill, I told you not to tell anyone.

MOM: Johnny, where are your grandfather's choppers?

JOHNNY: I really don’t know, mom. 

MOM: Really, really?

BILLY: He drank the water from the glass with the choppers,
       and when he realized this, he threw them somewhere.

JOHNNY: Bill, I told you not to tell anyone.

MOM: Oh, boys, I'm tired already of this story. Anyway, 
     there's only soup for dinner. And some potatoes.
     But I don't recommend those to you... Jim. So you won't 
     need your choppers. Problem solved!

...

JOHNNY: Mom, may I have some more potatoes, please!

MOM: Of course, Johnny. What about you, Billy? Billy? 
     What are you staring at, dear?

BILLY: Mom, it seems like that big potato is looking at me.

MOM: Oh, honey. That is not a potato. That is a cranium. 
     Don't you recognize that maxilla and the ridged 
     supraorbital torus? 

JOHNNY: Mwaha-ha-ha-ha, I got it now, ha-ha-ha - “Dad will
        join us later on the table.”

MOM: Johnny! I've always told you not to laugh while eating!

JOHNNY: I'm not eating. I mean, I'm not laughing. Not at you. 
        Just take a look at grandpa.

MOM: Jim? …Jim? …Jim! Let me touch your… Oh, I've always 
     said that you are a cold person, but now you are 
     exaggerating. You are getting blue. OK, boys. It’s late. 
     Time to go to bed. And don’t forget to brush your teeth. 
     Otherwise you’ll get toothless just like your 
     grandfa... oh, whatever. Johnny, take off the mask and use both 
     hands, please. Halloween is over. 

BILLY: Err… mom? Johnny was born like that. 

MOM: Shut up, Bill! And put the rest of your dad in the 
     refrigerator! OK, honey? I love you.

BILLY: OK ma'. You know, I will always love you too. 
       Just like we all loved grandma's steaks.

WHAT - Blog Radio

- What?
- ....
- I said what!
- You asked "“what,"” not said.
- Are you going to answer?
- What?
- Just what I said!
- I guess you mean, just what you... oh, never mind.
- ....
- ....
- So?
- Are you talking to me?
- Why?
- '‘Cause there'’s no one else here.
- How do you know that?
- Exactly, that'’s my point. See, we usually look at the outside, and then we assume things about the inside. Take that bottle for example. It has a label that says whiskey. We assume that if we drink its content, we'’re gonna feel better inside. Actually, it is what we feel. But if you ask a doctor...
- What?
- Are you going to stop it with this "what"?” We don'’t know each other, but you asked me six questions already.
- Are you a mathematician?
- And this is the seventh one.
- So, you are a mathematician.... Anyway, I'm a doctor.
- I told you, I don'’t know you. And I don'’t want to know you... what'’s your name anyway?
- Doug.
- Hi, Doug! What'’s up?
- I'’m tired of this joke.
- I didn'’t say - "“what'’s up Doug?"”
- It'’s what I heard.
- Again, you are making assumptions about evr...
- I told you, I'’m a doctor.
- Doctors should make diagnoses, not assumptions.
- It's the same substance, but different terminology. And since we've touched the subject, what do you have in your glass?
- Wow, you are keeping it up with the questions, Doc. It seems like I'm having a visit.
- Don'’t worry. Just go to the bottom and you'’ll feel better.
- Are you talking literally?
- Drink!
- OK, ok. But remember that this is not a visit, you are not going to ask for my insurance card, and I'm not going to...
- So, what'’s your name?
- Phew! That was hot.
- Yeah, I hate it too when they put too much pepper in the Bloody Marry. So, Phew, do you want another one?
- Yeah, you got me going now.
- See, this might save you a visit to the doctor, Phew.